Have you ever longed for something? So bad...that you would do anything? So bad...that it takes over your thoughts...your days...your months...
Have you ever wanted a baby that bad? I do know what that's like. I'm sure you'll probably assume that with the large age difference that Meg would be that baby and while she was most definitely wanted that badly, we didn't have to wait or go to any extreme measures.
That baby was Ben! I dreamed of having my children very close together. I dreamed of having my children in and out of diapers quickly, being best friends, in back-to-back school years, on the same sports teams and in the youth group together. But, that wasn't God's plan. And, I am so thankful! Despite 3 years, my boys couldn't be closer and they couldn't be better friends!
At times, I am guilty of forgetting. Of forgetting how hard those days...months...year were. But looking back, there really aren't words to describe the emotional, mental & physical roller coaster ride (especially when you throw some medication in there). It was without a doubt one of the, if not the most difficult time in my life. Thankfully, when I turned it over and I mean really turned off my control-freakish ways and laid it at His feet, He took care of it. In His time.
I am thankful that He has given me a heart for those who find themselves in a similar situation. Whether you long for a first child, a second child, so on...the hurt is real. It's not only the heartache of not having a child that you long for, but it feels like the death of a dream...the dream of what you thought your life would be like. If you find yourself struggling with this, if you'll leave me a comment (even if I don't know you!), I promise to pray for you! Promise!
Have you ever wanted a baby that bad? I do know what that's like. I'm sure you'll probably assume that with the large age difference that Meg would be that baby and while she was most definitely wanted that badly, we didn't have to wait or go to any extreme measures.
That baby was Ben! I dreamed of having my children very close together. I dreamed of having my children in and out of diapers quickly, being best friends, in back-to-back school years, on the same sports teams and in the youth group together. But, that wasn't God's plan. And, I am so thankful! Despite 3 years, my boys couldn't be closer and they couldn't be better friends!
At times, I am guilty of forgetting. Of forgetting how hard those days...months...year were. But looking back, there really aren't words to describe the emotional, mental & physical roller coaster ride (especially when you throw some medication in there). It was without a doubt one of the, if not the most difficult time in my life. Thankfully, when I turned it over and I mean really turned off my control-freakish ways and laid it at His feet, He took care of it. In His time.
I am thankful that He has given me a heart for those who find themselves in a similar situation. Whether you long for a first child, a second child, so on...the hurt is real. It's not only the heartache of not having a child that you long for, but it feels like the death of a dream...the dream of what you thought your life would be like. If you find yourself struggling with this, if you'll leave me a comment (even if I don't know you!), I promise to pray for you! Promise!
6 comments:
Well you've made me cry! I know that's not hard to do these days but still. :)
I am so sorry that you struggled. Thank you for sharing you story.
I am trying to turn it ALL over to God- much eaiser said than done. I know that it is all in God's perfect timing.
Thank you praying and for understanding. I am so glad that we have met again.
Well, you have made me cry, too! Leah was THAT baby as you know. Thanks for the reminder to be so thankful that God blessed us with a sweet baby girl. No, it hasn't been easy! But, I wouldn't trade it for the world!!
Thanks, Joy!
Shannon
Thanks for reminding me of those many years that I struggled with infertility treatments, crying myself to sleep, and couldn't get out of bed. I have a tendency to put those years behind me and forget about them......but I know that it was all in Gods hands! These kids are a true blessing from God!!! I am all about praying for these couples who struggle with this also. That was the hardest time in my life and would love to support others!!
Love you bunches!!! Leslie
Any word on Kenny??
Hey there, I just ran across your blog, and I know God must be putting me in touch with people who have been down this same path. Its amazing how many blogs I have read that mention their infertility struggles and how when they turned it completely over to God thats when it happened. GOd is so faithful and Im trying so hard to leave it all to him!! Thanks for the encouragement!
BTW your kids are precious!!
~Jennifer
Thanks for this post. It's a reminder to me of where I've been and how much God has blessed me with my children...crazy as some days are with them! It's easy to lose sight of how extremely difficult that time was...for anybody that goes through it...it is sooo...difficult to go through! I have 2 friends that are struggling with it right now. I am thankful to be able to truly understand what they're going through and to not try to offer advice, but to just say I understand. You were definitely one of those people for me and it meant more than you know! Thank you...I'm sorry if I never told you that. :)
Wow...that was such a beautiful post, Joy! I had one of those too and it was my 2nd! Thanks for the reminder.
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